tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post115100147417295719..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: Sticks and StonesHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger58125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-9208833036664238212009-01-26T09:15:00.000-05:002009-01-26T09:15:00.000-05:00This is just heartbreakingly sad. And no, I don't ...This is just heartbreakingly sad. And no, I don't think you're being judgmental enough. I would want to pound those little brats for ignoring my nephew. I can't believe that he doesn't get invited to birthday parties! What can the parents be thinking? Your message of inclusion, despite physical differences, is so important. My best best wishes and prayers go out to Tanner and his parents.The Spicershttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08667011381331956751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1165071923302430982006-12-02T10:05:00.000-05:002006-12-02T10:05:00.000-05:00My son is three and has Down syndrome. My biggest...My son is three and has Down syndrome. My biggest fear when he was born was that he would have no friends.<BR/><BR/>I know he's young, but he's yet to be included in a birthday party or playdate of a 'typical' kid who doesn't have Down syndrome. He goes to a regular preschool and we have had no luck yet.<BR/><BR/>I'll be honest and say that for every six playdates you invite over for a child who is 'different' - one might be reciprocated.<BR/><BR/>It is a sad but true fact about the world today. People are terrified of anything that is different. And that sadly includes little children. ((hugs))to you and your sister. I totally understand this heartbreak.foodie suzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15309938790197779790noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152427659639689842006-07-09T02:47:00.000-04:002006-07-09T02:47:00.000-04:00Delurking to say I'm so sorry, my heart is aching ...Delurking to say I'm so sorry, my heart is aching for you all. Tanner is a beautiful boy with an amazing heart, and these kids are missing out on the honor of having a friend like Tanner. <BR/><BR/>I truly hope that these parents can see and use the opportunity to teach their children that "it is truly better to have loved and lost then to never have loved at all." for lack of a better way to put it.urban-urchinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18001320142893492171noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1152244857328589592006-07-07T00:00:00.000-04:002006-07-07T00:00:00.000-04:00I saw the muscular dystrophy links in your sidebar...I saw the muscular dystrophy links in your sidebar so I did a search for it on your blog and it led me to this post. I am a bit familiar with the muscular dystrophy foundation because I have a neurological disorder CMT. <BR/><BR/>Your nephew is the same age as my son. That must be really tough on him and your family. <BR/><BR/>It is hard to say how much kids know about death and dying. My kidneys failed last September and I almost died. I think a family member said something to my son about it although I have no way of knowing for sure. But for months after I got out he was worried about me dying. I think he was traumatized some because it happened so unexpectedly. <BR/><BR/>I also wanted to thank you for stopping by my blog. I have been reading your basement for awhile now and I sometimes read your blog here. I have been a lurker though lol. Guess not anymore!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151731717372245622006-07-01T01:28:00.000-04:002006-07-01T01:28:00.000-04:00I am so, so sorry about what Tanner and your famil...I am so, so sorry about what Tanner and your family is facing. And I am so upset at the thought that on top of everything, he has to deal with heartache, too. :(<BR/>I wish parents would realize that parenting is about so much more than buying your kids the best toys, or clothes, or if they play soccer or not... We are raising emotional and spiritual beings, who will matter to the world around them. I wish parents would make creating good human beings, REALLY GOOD human beings, the first priority! What problems that alone would solve. I am sure I fuck up a lot of things with my kids-- I am too pms-y too often, I cuss too much, I could be more patient... But I know that I have taught my son to be a kind person. And every time I see it in him, I am thankfull and proud of his loving heart. I wish he went to school with little Tanner, because he would play with him! He would.<BR/><BR/>Sending good thoughts your way.<BR/><BR/>:)Amberhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04680903854519503303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151412554910196852006-06-27T08:49:00.000-04:002006-06-27T08:49:00.000-04:00I'm so sorry, HBM. That is a terrible situation fo...I'm so sorry, HBM. That is a terrible situation for you and your family. You all have my deepest sympathies.<BR/><BR/>I'm not sure if you've been reading Beanie Baby long enough to know, but Frances is a dwarf. I'm always nervous using that word because it conjures up such a specific mental image and it doesn't fit Frances in the slightest because she has none of the 250 known varieties of dwarfism. She is dwarf-sized but has no other symptoms except for a slightly large head, hands and feet, low-set ears and a fontanelle that won't close. Still, you know, I know this is coming, and I dread it. So thank you for doing your part to remind people that tolerance and respect have to be taught. I can't tell you how much it drives me nuts to get those pitying looks from people. She is the best thing that ever happened to me and the happiest person I know, but they feel sorry for me because she is small.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151371285285803692006-06-26T21:21:00.000-04:002006-06-26T21:21:00.000-04:00I am so sorry that Tanner is going through the pai...I am so sorry that Tanner is going through the pain of being taunted by the kids in his class, on top of the other pain that he's undoubtedly going through with his illness. I do imagine the other parents are acting out of fear -- the "There but for the grace of God, go I" kind of fear that scares the dickens out of us parents. But it's unfortunate that they have such an opportunity to teach kindness and unconditional love and they're missing the boat.<BR/><BR/>Kudos to your sister for being so willing to go and address this with the children. Kudos to you for being able to write about it and educate so many of us (and hopefully help to get it off your chest.)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151363575345484332006-06-26T19:12:00.000-04:002006-06-26T19:12:00.000-04:00Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. WTF is wrong with us...Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry. WTF is wrong with us humans? <BR/><BR/>Sending healing vibes you way <BR/><BR/>oxHaute Mamahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14352803055907107943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151346443500257212006-06-26T14:27:00.000-04:002006-06-26T14:27:00.000-04:00how very sad,,, i am sorry for your nephew and you...how very sad,,, i am sorry for your nephew and your family, I couldn't begin to imagine how horrible that must be for all of you.. I will keep all of you in my prayers. Take careshadehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04139691598580924828noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151200907305451742006-06-24T22:01:00.000-04:002006-06-24T22:01:00.000-04:00Perhaps this isn't helpful to the discussion, but ...Perhaps this isn't helpful to the discussion, but I FEEL SO ANGRY ABOUT THESE PARENTS! Tanner has never been invited to a playgroup or party? This really convinces me that humanity really isn't any more evolved than a nest of scorpions or a hive of bees. Or a school of pirhanas. <BR/>Is it as simple as a fear of the pain of loss? What is it? What aspect of our animal selves does this stem from?<BR/>Well not 'our' animal selves, because I swear to Christ (Oh yea, I forgot, I don't believe in Christ or god), I would NEVER BEHAVE LIKE THAT! I never have. I was always the one kid, the ONE KID that would talk to and play with 'different' kids (DD kids, kids with difficult illnesses, anything...kids who looked odd, were poor or cared for impropperly). There have even been times when I've intervened on a kids behalf when a teacher wouldn't. Am I so unique? I don't see how it's possible, but life experience tells me otherwise.<BR/>I've also had the honor of working with DD people, both children and adult, and people always say, "Oh, that's so great. I could never do that." <BR/>WHY? FUCKING WHY?Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151162479039006202006-06-24T11:21:00.000-04:002006-06-24T11:21:00.000-04:00My heart aches for Tanner. I think that I would ov...My heart aches for Tanner. I think that I would overcompensate because he deserves so much that I would want the world to offer up everything good. <BR/><BR/>It's possible that parents are afraid of letting their child get close in fear of experiencing the pain of losing a friend. However it is more likely that their ignorance is more the fear of the unknown. I hope your sisters words open up a few hearts.ms bluehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06997925420763913039noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151157919703268002006-06-24T10:05:00.000-04:002006-06-24T10:05:00.000-04:00So much to think about here... taken me a couple d...So much to think about here... taken me a couple days. Like Hasselhoff, Hasselhoff!!!<BR/><BR/>No really. I send you all my ador/mir-ation for posting on this. Not too long from now you will be places with your little girl and be dealing with the faux-classless society she will grow up in. What you have said should help a lot of us.<BR/><BR/>I found it quite scary to think about the commitment I have made to leading my child to/thro' realationships and communities by having her. I hope the 'standard' you aspire to here can be taken up by your bleaders. The real trick is that it isn't the kids -- its us.mo-wohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10934156423936866994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151149075875823802006-06-24T07:37:00.000-04:002006-06-24T07:37:00.000-04:00Thanks for bringing tears to my eyes. I feel so ba...Thanks for bringing tears to my eyes. I feel so bad for Tanner. I want to give him a huge hug. I hate to hear about children suffering. I agree with your post 100 percent and bravo to you for putting it out there.Stacyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00753648076473629206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151120242391824592006-06-23T23:37:00.000-04:002006-06-23T23:37:00.000-04:00I love this post. It made me cry a little but you...I love this post. It made me cry a little but your are so right on. You know, grown ups exclude other grown ups with disabilities or fatal illnesses. It is not surprising to learn that children act out that way too.<BR/><BR/>My Girlie has a few issues that leave her excluded (nothing at all on par with Tanner) but it has made me very sensitive to this issue. Thanks for the post.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151119214883634362006-06-23T23:20:00.000-04:002006-06-23T23:20:00.000-04:00SO with you on this. the parents of Tanner's scho...SO with you on this. the parents of Tanner's schoolmates need some schooling of their own.<BR/><BR/>shame on them.<BR/><BR/>your sister is a champ.Debbiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14163363926316904033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151112394412930762006-06-23T21:26:00.000-04:002006-06-23T21:26:00.000-04:00Mom-101: I was beside myself emotional for two day...Mom-101: I was beside myself emotional for two days. Had to calm myself down A LOT before posting this. But the calming-self-down and posting helped. A lot.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151110862501772952006-06-23T21:01:00.000-04:002006-06-23T21:01:00.000-04:00My heart aches reading this. There but the grace o...My heart aches reading this. There but the grace of God...<BR/><BR/>You are way more diplomatic and thoughtful than I'd be. I tend to get emotional when people I love are being hurt. I salute you.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151104933412408642006-06-23T19:22:00.000-04:002006-06-23T19:22:00.000-04:00Thanks so much to all for the warm wishes and supp...Thanks so much to all for the warm wishes and support. I felt awkward about this post because I thought that I was perhaps being too harsh, as I said, or carried away by hurt and anger.<BR/><BR/>Some of you have asked how the kids know - because Tanner is obviously physically limited (his muscles are deteriorating rapidly and he has difficulty doing much more than walking - so, no monkey bars or tag or rambunctious play) his classmates and their pants were told at the beginning of his school year that he has DMD. (It's also a small neighborhood in a small-ish town, so word travels.) They weren't told, so far as I know, that he is dying (the school knows), but I guess that one or two parents looked into it and one or two kids were told or overhead and it spread to the playground and the rest, you know. <BR/><BR/>Kids will be kids, as I said, and kids can be cruel - even unintentionally - especially when it comes to things that they find confusing or frightening. It's up to us to do what we can to mitigate this - by talking to them about these things, and by modelling kindness and consideration. From the sounds of it, you're all doing exactly that. I wish that you were all Tanner's neighbours. I'm glad that you're mine.Her Bad Motherhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151103722710494602006-06-23T19:02:00.000-04:002006-06-23T19:02:00.000-04:00After leaving my ranting comment above, I could no...After leaving my ranting comment above, I could not get the whole birthday party issue out of my head.<BR/><BR/>One thing did occur to me -- perhaps the parents` cruelty is a misguided effort to protect their own kids from the inevitable pain of losing a friend at a young age? <BR/><BR/>Two years ago, one of my older son`s friends died suddenly of encephalitis, at the age of 8 1/2. The funeral was horrible -- dozens of weeping children everywhere. My son is still in counseling, and still cries when he talks about his friend. <BR/><BR/>I can`t imagine excluding an ill boy from a birthday party -- but I guess I can imagine wanting to spare a child the pain my son went through, by not encouraging a friendship with a boy suffering from an ultimately fatal illness. This does not excuse the parents` behavior, but might help explain it.L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/13437332749627332216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151094906201914912006-06-23T16:35:00.000-04:002006-06-23T16:35:00.000-04:00Kids can be cruel but adults are far worse. I can...Kids can be cruel but adults are far worse. I can't fathom inviting the entire class to my child's birthday party and leaving one child, one child who should be there over all others, out of the festivities. Who the hell are those people?!Chicky Chicky Babyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18056206889322232109noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151084278971157052006-06-23T13:37:00.000-04:002006-06-23T13:37:00.000-04:00There's nothing I can add that wasn't already said...There's nothing I can add that wasn't already said by others. I can only say that I hope this talk your sister is planning to give will open a few eyes. I hope those children go home and talk to their parents about what they learned from the talk and that these parents who think it's okay to exclude a child because of their differences sit up and take notice that their behavior is abhorrent. Like a previous commenter said, the children are TAUGHT their exclusions are okay and they're learning this from parents, ADULTS who should know better.Andreahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10612468442701491963noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151081604570551132006-06-23T12:53:00.000-04:002006-06-23T12:53:00.000-04:00WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE who think it`s okay not to in...WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE who think it`s okay not to invite him to birthday parties, and are teachng their kids that it`s okay?<BR/><BR/>Please let me know, so I can bitch-slap them!<BR/><BR/>Kids don`t yet fully comprehend their inherent abilities to wound, but jesus effing christ, there`s just no excuse for the parents` cruelty.L.https://www.blogger.com/profile/13437332749627332216noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151079195020755252006-06-23T12:13:00.000-04:002006-06-23T12:13:00.000-04:00I'ts taken me a long time to comment because each ...I'ts taken me a long time to comment because each time I try the words don't quite do justice to Tanner or your sister and what they are dealing with. They are lucky to have you, and in turn, I'm sure you feel lucky to have them, even with the challenges that brings.<BR/><BR/>I hadn't read about Tanner in your archives and I had no idea you really knew what I was talking about. I was only imagining a less than perfect scenario and you've experienced this in your own family. My heart goes out to you all. Wishing your family continued strength and peace of mind.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151077800645084152006-06-23T11:50:00.000-04:002006-06-23T11:50:00.000-04:00Isn't that one of the whole points of bringing ano...Isn't that one of the whole points of bringing another being into this world - to break cycles of our own parents and of society past and to teach acceptance of people who are different than we are? Your post made me so sad and yet inspired me to put that thought in the top of my brain and hold it there for when my child is confronted with a similar situation. I'm so sorry for Tanner. I can't believe the cruelty (intentional or not) of some children. And I do believe it stems from the parents. <BR/><BR/>I also can't wait to read the first batch of things you need to get off of your chest!BabyonBoredhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05988664515214410933noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1151077765315238232006-06-23T11:49:00.000-04:002006-06-23T11:49:00.000-04:00So Sad - poor little thing. And your poor sister. ...So Sad - poor little thing. And your poor sister. I wanted to rip a kids eyes out for spitting on my son....can't imagine the heartache.<BR/><BR/>Sounding out vibes to help stay strong and love to all involved.Sharpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16069441965855692593noreply@blogger.com