tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post114675574844932973..comments2023-11-02T08:09:02.234-04:00Comments on Her Bad Mother: To Hell with All ThatHer Bad Motherhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03535958887714152413noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1147102624508019972006-05-08T11:37:00.000-04:002006-05-08T11:37:00.000-04:00I agree with you. It's hard to beat the contradic...I agree with you. It's hard to beat the contradictions that sneak up on us every day. But we sure try!<BR/><BR/>Great post!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146871975911525812006-05-05T19:32:00.000-04:002006-05-05T19:32:00.000-04:00Bravo, HBM! On all of it. Of course black/white is...Bravo, HBM! On all of it. Of course black/white issues sell. It's the reason we have an idiot for a president just a few miles south of you. Who can bother understanding nuance or grey area when there are extremes to debate!<BR/><BR/>The whole "happy mom" argument holds up in just so many ways that that man (of course a man) will not understand. Formula feeding comes to mind. <BR/><BR/>Meanwhile, what in God's name is wrong with having grandparents and loving caregivers help raise your children? Isn't this the way it was done for, like, thousands of years in all but the poorest of households? <BR/><BR/>I remain your #1 fan.Mom101https://www.blogger.com/profile/15468524489744839899noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146864167594253462006-05-05T17:22:00.000-04:002006-05-05T17:22:00.000-04:00I'm so glad you rebutted that man's response to yo...I'm so glad you rebutted that man's response to your letter. I frankly don't see how his opinion figures into the equation if he's only willing to condider women as SAH parents. <BR/><BR/>You GO GIRL!<BR/><BR/>Signed,<BR/>Your Kool-Aid swilling Mommy-Cult member reader and friend...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146856968933820482006-05-05T15:22:00.000-04:002006-05-05T15:22:00.000-04:00I haven't read the book. But I found your comments...I haven't read the book. But I found your comments about the fulfillment and happiness factor very thought provoking. I used to sneer at the whole "When Mom's happy..." line of thinking and dismiss it as a means of validating a selfish choice. How wrong I was. Women who are self-actualized enough to realize they should not ignore their own needs and not give themselves up mind body and spirit to motherhood are the smart ones. <BR/><BR/>I think that men sometimes fan the flames of the Mommy Wars, because it keeps us second guessing ourselves, and as long as we are doing that, the guilt and shame will keep us struggling to take care of everyone but ourselves, struggling to be the perfect wife and mother. <BR/><BR/>Bah, I'm rambling. Great post.Blog Antagonisthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09378330862349859998noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146852165893897402006-05-05T14:02:00.000-04:002006-05-05T14:02:00.000-04:00I completely applaud you for making us all think. ...I completely applaud you for making us all think. I don't know anything about the author and I don't really read too many non-fiction books (frightful, I know, but I enjoy it that way.)<BR/><BR/>Ever since the whole feminism topic a few weeks ago, I've been planning a post in my head, but as yet have been too busy to write.<BR/><BR/>I happen to be a woman who does not know how to characterize herself. I have loads of opinions, but they don't fit neatly into one category. The point however, is that they are opinions, not truths, and I don't push them on people because I understand that differentiation (is that a word?)<BR/><BR/>I ALWAYS love when people are able to pleasantly disagree. Anyhoo...thanks for waking all of this up in my head again :)Mega Momhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13658605467396189558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146851460822140002006-05-05T13:51:00.000-04:002006-05-05T13:51:00.000-04:00Request:Please post more pictures of the smiley li...Request:<BR/><BR/>Please post more pictures of the smiley little princess aka WonderBaby.The City Galhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09819377234772187931noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146843645386327072006-05-05T11:40:00.000-04:002006-05-05T11:40:00.000-04:00Well said, as always. My mom was a SAHM and she ha...Well said, as always. <BR/><BR/>My mom was a SAHM and she hated every minute of it. And she makes no bones about it. Consequently, it was a lovely upbringing, what with her telling us everyday how we wrecked her life. <BR/><BR/>Choices, and the ability to make those choices, are what will bring about happy homes and well-adjusted kiddies.<BR/><BR/>And love the belly shot.Redneck Mommyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09947243296264284961noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146842997662084282006-05-05T11:29:00.000-04:002006-05-05T11:29:00.000-04:00I agree 100%. People are different. Moms are diffe...I agree 100%. People are different. Moms are different. I think back to when I was a kid and I am glad, so very overjoyed, that my mother worked A LOT. She was not cut out for child rearing like she thought she was when she had kids. She will be the first to admit it, too. Not everyone can be the Happy Housewife, and if my mom was forced to do it I probably would not be here writing this comment today.macboudicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08130243351803467566noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146838395646991472006-05-05T10:13:00.000-04:002006-05-05T10:13:00.000-04:00If you ask me, the kool-aid drinkers are the ones ...If you ask me, the kool-aid drinkers are the ones who swallow the "mom-must-be-X" mantras without question. As the personal stories above reflect, an unhappy mom makes for an unhappy home. And a mom who comes home happy and energized by her outside work makes for great happy memories too, as my mom did. I remember singing and reading and having water fights and going on weekend outings, not her absence. <BR/><BR/>On the flip side, a mom who revels in daily life with her kids and puts her energy into that makes for a great mom too. It's the moms who stay at home unhappy or unwillnig to really engage their kids that I think make for a bad situation. <BR/><BR/>So yeah, you totally reflect my opinion too here. Adn at the risk of bringing down the ire of you-know-who, You Go, Girl! ';^)kittenpiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05215443551546036909noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146830260309618042006-05-05T07:57:00.000-04:002006-05-05T07:57:00.000-04:00What a beautiful little belly-button!My favorite p...What a beautiful little belly-button!<BR/><BR/>My favorite point? Flanagan's position is not brave, nor daring. "It's a <I>story</I>." <BR/><BR/>Thanks for posting the letters. Excellent reading.Jezerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07342441899854569351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146809422298753582006-05-05T02:10:00.000-04:002006-05-05T02:10:00.000-04:00Well yes. In our marriage prep course one present...Well yes. In our marriage prep course one presenter described the family as a cup and saucer. Kids down in the saucer and Mom and Pop the cup.<BR/><BR/>What is poured into Mom and Pop is paramount. It is what will trickle down to the kids. As you say, happiness is important for PEOPLE. Mothers included. Happiness is not something we implant into our kids though some parenting mantra.mo-wohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10934156423936866994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146804886771881512006-05-05T00:54:00.000-04:002006-05-05T00:54:00.000-04:00Well done, you. Nothing to add.Except that photo o...Well done, you. Nothing to add.<BR/><BR/>Except that photo of the Zurbert is adorable!josetteplank.comhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16790825543155685363noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146796674688326232006-05-04T22:37:00.000-04:002006-05-04T22:37:00.000-04:00Why haven't I been reading you every day? I mean G...Why haven't I been reading you every day? I mean Geesh, we run in the same circles and everything...<BR/><BR/>I proudly announce that I am a Happily working mother. Not because of economic need, but out of Dawn need. I'm not built to be a SAHM - and I recognize that is what is best for my daughter - not having a depressed crazy mother waiting for her at the end of the school day. <BR/><BR/>And yes. I DID choose to have a baby. But we all know now that you can't know what it's like in any way until the baby and you are face to face. Clearly my PPD thoughts to put her at the bottom of a lake weren't exactly "best for the child". <BR/><BR/>So I work. And I love working. And I don't feel guilty. As we know from the most recent research coming out, children of depressed mothers are vastly more likely to develop mental illnesses themselves. Hmmm, doesn't sound "best for the children", does it?<BR/><BR/>Who made this ridiculous myth of the all sacrificing mother? Why do people keep buying it?Dawnhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12920042208198309201noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146790892341986772006-05-04T21:01:00.000-04:002006-05-04T21:01:00.000-04:00I have not seen this book, but I'll admit to being...I have not seen this book, but I'll admit to being curious now. <BR/><BR/>It pisses me off to no end that people keep trying to polarize moms and perpetuate the "mommy wars". You are right on the mark: happy parents equal happy kids. There is no one-arrangement-fits-all solution.<BR/><BR/>My mom was a single mom, and worked out of necessity. Looking back, she would have loved to spend more time with me, but she needed to work to provide for us. Did working make her happy? Hell no. But working made her happier than starving her child, or worse, losing custody of her child to my awful father. So "happy" is also a subjective term. People need to give moms a little credit for thinking of what is best for their families.<BR/><BR/>Soemthing that also isn't addressed much in these mommy wars is the fact that nothing has to be permanent. SAHM and WOHM - these states of existence aren't permanent. Women can stay home and then go back to work. Working women can choose to quit and stay home at any point. It need not be black and white. <BR/><BR/>I currently work part-time (which is somewhere in the middle to begin with), but when my daughter is school age, I will likely work closer to full time.<BR/><BR/>OK, disjointed rant over with for now. I'll end on a happier note: cute pics!Christinahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07345875955750219033noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146784995499591122006-05-04T19:23:00.000-04:002006-05-04T19:23:00.000-04:00I loved your letters. And your allusion to Walt.I loved your letters. And your allusion to Walt.jdghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17138644775090861195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146783948015880162006-05-04T19:05:00.000-04:002006-05-04T19:05:00.000-04:00When I read Mr. Larman's response to your original...When I read Mr. Larman's response to your original letter I wanted to phone him up and rant. Seems like he picked bits and pieces out of what you said to make his point. Boils my beans. (just made that phrase up, d'ya like it?)<BR/><BR/>I hate the "it's for the children" talk. Because frankly, I don't agree. What's a dangerous trend in society, I believe, is restructuring life and family around children. Johnny wants an iPod? Sure, whatever makes him happy. Brittany wants the complete set of Princess Barbie dolls and clothes? OK, sure. But wait -- one year later and Brittany now wants Bratz? If that's what you want, honey. We don't all get what we want, all the time, and kids need to learn that lesson. <BR/><BR/>But here I am far afield of the original comment -- as you clearly state, it's about the family being happy. Not just the kids, not just the parents. And this is an individual thing -- what works well for one family may not work for another. There is no reason for Mr. Larman or anyone to assume that kids can be best raised by the parents, under all circumstances. If this were true, why would we need foster care? Why would we need child protective services?<BR/><BR/>Grrr... got my dander up. but I love these discussions, keep 'em coming.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146781517811419912006-05-04T18:25:00.000-04:002006-05-04T18:25:00.000-04:00Belinda has exactly the same thought as I did! Loo...Belinda has exactly the same thought as I did! Look at the HAPPY and very obviously loved baby!Queen of Spainhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00859345688770909616noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146780799687429432006-05-04T18:13:00.000-04:002006-05-04T18:13:00.000-04:00Followed you over from QoS, and so glad I did. I ...Followed you over from QoS, and so glad I did. I can't add anything that hasn't been said better already, so I'm just tipping my virtual hat. The proof of your pudding is in those baby pictures. Priceless.ninjapoodleshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10322256509244988323noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146775182242575482006-05-04T16:39:00.000-04:002006-05-04T16:39:00.000-04:00flanagan is so contradictory it's almost as if she...flanagan is so contradictory it's almost as if she's having us on. i mean, she can't *really* be arguing all this can she? (that's how I feel when i read her, and I too enjoy her writing).<BR/><BR/>Brain, Child has a nice piece on "Flanagania" in their latest issue (http://www.brainchildmag.com/)<BR/><BR/>If you;ve not read that mag, you should--in fact, you should be writing for them!gingajoyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01356643079413822527noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146774705405501782006-05-04T16:31:00.000-04:002006-05-04T16:31:00.000-04:00Hi again,Like Sky, my Mum stayed at home until I w...Hi again,<BR/><BR/>Like Sky, my Mum stayed at home until I was well into my teens. She was miserable. We were miserable. She was not able to grow, and much of the time she was resentful of that fact. <BR/><BR/>I am a stay at home mother because I want to be, because I love staying at home. That being said, it isn't without sacrifices, I see my husband once every 8 weeks or so, because he works out of town. I get lonely sometimes, I get frustrated, and yeah, sometimes I think that it would be nice to get a "real job." In the end though, I am happier at home with my baby girl than I was at work.Jennhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01592312983008232386noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146771107579861342006-05-04T15:31:00.000-04:002006-05-04T15:31:00.000-04:00I heard only fleetingly about that book, and since...I heard only fleetingly about that book, and since I can barely put my mind around all that crap (it was forced down my throat while growing up), I decided to step away from it.<BR/><BR/>I never thought I would be unhappy at home - mainly because I never thought about myself. Thank goodness for blogging, writing, and reading, because I realized that I'm way happier with something that feeds my soul. For now, it's from the home - but perhaps it might not be. And I'm getting to be okay with that.<BR/><BR/>I find the most irony in that A MAN replied back to you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146770854534554622006-05-04T15:27:00.000-04:002006-05-04T15:27:00.000-04:00As always, a pleasure, and much food for thought.As always, a pleasure, and much food for thought.Miguelitahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10134489935342720776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146770349033108162006-05-04T15:19:00.000-04:002006-05-04T15:19:00.000-04:00I just left you a comment that approached "War and...I just left you a comment that approached "War and Peace" length, so I'll blog about it myself sometime and link back to you. Essentially I agree with your position, but not completely. Anyway, good food for thought in your post.the mystichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11536278508991059301noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146769066190448872006-05-04T14:57:00.000-04:002006-05-04T14:57:00.000-04:00Thank you! I saw Caitlin Flanigan on the Colbert R...Thank you! I saw Caitlin Flanigan on the Colbert Report ( Comedy Central ). I completely share the feeling of why can't people leave it alone? A happy mom is a good mom and for god's sake, going to work is not a crime. While she sat there being interviewed about how a mothers place is in the home I was thinking- um, hello? Who is with your kids while you promote your book, which you wrote for money- which means you have a JOB?! I wanted to blog about this but didn't. Now I wish I had. Nice work.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-21558474.post-1146768426811202922006-05-04T14:47:00.000-04:002006-05-04T14:47:00.000-04:00Thank you for keeping me up to date on the argumen...Thank you for keeping me up to date on the argument. I always feel like I'm not informed on the detailed issues attached to the debate and this helped bring them to light.<BR/><BR/>Your letter was raised points that needed to be said. Happy parents raise happy children — why don't people get that?<BR/><BR/>Thank you for sharing the photos, she's perfect.Carolyn S.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16460383065056980157noreply@blogger.com