Her Bad Mother

Friday, February 24, 2006

Our top story tonight...

We're still reeling from the Whoozit scandal here at Baby Headquarters. What little dignity Whoozit had remaining after his defeat, by Baby, in combat training was totally obliterated when it was revealed that members of the Whoozit clan are not, as was previously thought, Shaolin masters, but hangers-on in shabby rock star entourages.

So Whoozit is reduced to lowly jester in the court of Baby. A post previously held by this guy...


It's the clothes. You don't get close to the center of power when you dress like this.

... who is now Minister Responsible for Mime and Baguettes. (This, it must be admitted, is a vanity post; the portfolio was created for the express purpose of facilitating the shuffle that relegated Whoozit to the Office of the Jester.)

Baby has retreated to Central Command, where she has been reviewing the files of all the toys in her court to check for any indications of further scandal...

That book under Baby's feet? Yep. That's the catalogue for the Goya exhibit at the Met. Footstool for Baby now. How things change.

... and has been receiving daily tabloid briefings from the NanaDoob, who now holds the post of Head of Intelligence as well as that of Chief of Military Security. All of which is exhausting...

Mommy feels this way too, sometimes. OK, most of the time.

The life of a ruler is a thankless, tiring one. World domination is gonna be a bitch.

--------

Babylympics Update:

In the individual swaddle (binding) event, Mommy has underperformed, scoring very low on both Artistry (too conventional in the binding method, it seems) and Endurance (her binds are not lasting as long as they should to really qualify as world-class.) But she still ranks as something of a workhorse in this event, simply because she practices so diligently. She's hoping to qualify for semi-finals, to at least stay in the game, even though she knows that she has no medal hopes.

In the individual swaddle (unbinding) event, Baby is well on her way to GOLD. She has proven that she can unbind both creatively (one arm! two arms! no arms both legs! one leg one arm!) and quickly (ranges from 2 seconds to some hours depending on the course.) Records are being broken. People will be talking about this for years.

3 Comments:

Blogger Jezer said...

She is totally checking her files in that photo! Too cute!

Alex's Whoozit arrived today. He seems unaffected, but I'm stoked!

Also, after seeing E's Bumbo and hearing a few more moms rave about it, I'm about to order one of those too.

Yes, we're copycats, and not ashamed to admit it.

7:56 PM  
Blogger Her Bad Mother said...

Oh, we're all about the copying, too. How else do you figure all this crap out?

10:50 PM  
Blogger mavvric said...

Hey, just wanted to say hi! I just found my way here from Dad Gone Mad. I too am a new mom - November 18, actually! I'm gonna add you to my "must read" list so I can compare 'bad mothering' *L*

Oh..and on the subject of copying...I've never heard of a Whoozit until just now, but I got sucked in to the Bumbo craze. Baby is not that fond of it though. There's $60 down the drain! ;-)

1:39 AM  

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